I had sort of an epiphany today.
On the way home from picking Z up from preschool the song Mighty To Save came on the radio. Just listening to it I was fine, but when I started singing I started crying. So I stopped singing. Then I stopped crying. Odd. Starting singing again, started crying again. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Interesting.
I started pondering why certain Christian songs make me cry. I thought about how I have been crying way easier since I've been a mom. And I suppose since I've been a Christian, too. Then I thought, that's it! I cry easily when singing because in that moment my redemption is so tangible. Of all the hurt I've been through, mistakes I've made, doubts and insecurities I've had, God is the be-all end-all of my life. He has saved me from the hell of a life I didn't even realize I was living until I was on the other side. Thinking about that more deeply, it boggles my mind that in all reality, I truly didn't realize how hurt I was! If you would have asked me then, I would have said my life was just fine, thank you very much. It was one of those "ignorance is bliss" things. One of those "don't know what you're missing" things. Now that I live under the banner of God's love, I am overwhelmed with joy when His spirit is moving in me and I can see how wonderful he has made my life.
But it's not only the blessings. It's what God has done within my heart that is the most powerful. He has given me strength and security. Yes my life is wonderful because he has blessed it, but even without all his blessings, there is an immovable peace inside me that comes only from knowing and trusting in Him. He alone is enough. I am resting in that truth today.
Lindsay
Monday, October 29, 2012
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Handsome Little Boy
Today a good friend of mine who does awesome photography snapped some pictures of Zachary for his 3 year old pictures. It was a perfect fall day out, sunny, windy, leaves everywhere... just beautiful. Here are a few of my favorites!
I just love the expression in his eyes in these pictures! I am so in love with this little man so full of life. Pure joy. Wow.
Lindsay
I just love the expression in his eyes in these pictures! I am so in love with this little man so full of life. Pure joy. Wow.
Lindsay
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Finding a New Dream
Her: "I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about
what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's
not everything I dreamed it would be?"
Him: "It will be."
Her: "And what if it is? What do I do then?"
Him: "Well, that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream."
Lindsay
"I Have Endured Her Exaltation Again and Again..."
My mom reminded me today of how different my life is now than it was even two years ago. Thinking back on it, God has worked some majorly awesome blessings into play, and I just can't get over how awesome He's lead my life. I was feeling pretty good thinking about it, and then I remembered something. I remember a particular time in my life not too long ago where I was looking at the life of another woman who had "very little to distress or vex her" in the length of her perfectly seeming life. I remember feeling confused and hurt, asking God why he allowed me to endure certain sufferings while this woman didn't. Why did I have to lose my spark, my innocence, my freedom and joy in painful experiences and grieving while she didn't? Now I know, because God is laying it on my heart ever so gently, that I did not lose any of those things, that though the enemy tries to take them from me he cannot because they are God-given and mine to keep. But at the time, each new bit of information about how "awesome" her life was spiraled my pain a little deeper into my heart. Please don't misunderstand me, I was not feeling ill-willed toward her and I know she deserves nothing but goodness in life. It upset me because I saw in her the person I wanted to be but thought I could never be because I had something deep within taken from me. Security. Have you ever felt that? Interestingly enough, I'm learning that God really can recover anything "lost" and renew me completely. It's a continual process and I need constant reminding, and I'm so happy that God doesn't get burned out. He wills me to be free and joyful and secure, and he will stop at nothing to fight for that for me. That's what I'm feeling today.
Lindsay
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Devotion
I just realized that my latest blog posts feel stale. I don't know if they do to you, but they sure do to me. I have been preoccupied with a lot of "things" lately. I've been looking outward a lot more than I've been looking inward. I've had this nagging feeling in the pit of my heart that's been telling me I need a revival. I need a revival. This past month has definitely proven the truth of God's word and faithfulness, because He says that He knows what we need (Matthew 6:8), can see the innermost parts of our heart (Proverbs 20:27), and if we believe in Him, we can fully trust in his provision (1 John 5:14, Philippians 4:19). I felt that this month.
In this middle of this month, I went on a women's retreat to Lake Ann Camp with some ladies from my church. It. Was. Awesome! For many years I have felt like I missed out on a lot of college type experiences because I went to a trade school, because I went back to college as both a full-time employee and a mother, and because I became a Christian in my mid-twenties, much past the time of youth group and summer camps. That's why I loved this retreat so much- I felt like I got some of that youthful joy and freedom back. We went zip lining over a lake, slept in cabins, went on a nighttime star-gazing walk where we hiked through the woods and emerged into an open field and laid in a circle on the grass and gazed at the stars, then stayed up late talking by the cabin fire. And all this was before we dove into the content of why we came- a Beth Moore simulcast, which was equally amazing. Funnily enough, one of the first things she said was "We...need...a...revival." God definitely spoke through her that day.
When we left camp on Sunday morning I wouldn't say I felt completely revived, but I did feel at least partially so, and much more motivated to get on with the process. After all, it IS a process. Two years ago I did a Beth Moore bible study with some women at my church, and I still have the book. It's called "So Long Insecurity". After watching the simulcast I was itching to read the book again, so I did. In two days. If you know me and my schedule, that is an amazing feat! My heart drank in every word, each chapter was like salve on a wound. After finishing the book, I replayed the last month in my head, and here are some truths I'm walking away with:
} The root of insecurity is fear. Specifically, fear of loss. I will not be driven by fear.
} Worry is a sign of mistrust in God.
} God is my inspiration. When I'm not close with him, I am not inspired.
} Sensuality is not what makes a woman desirable.
} Time dies not heal, God heals. Time tells.
} There's a difference between pride and God-given security.
} God is enthralled with my beauty (and yours). I am lovely!
} God does not will me to be insecure. It does nothing to help me or his kingdom. God wills me to live my life with dignity and security.
} My security is mine to keep. God gave it to me. No one gets to take it from me.
} Another woman's worth does not diminish my own.
} I must be an example of a secure woman to make the hope of God's redemptive and healing power contagious to others.
} Superficiality is insatiable. (Pinterest, anyone?) If I spent half my time pursuing God that I spend pinning clothing styles and home decor, I would be a much more secure person than I am right now.
} I can love being a woman, love buying clothes and getting my hair done, and love feeling outwardly beautiful while still honoring God, because I know in my heart that those things are the furthest things on earth from what really matters.
} Lack of purpose heightens my insecurity.
} My purpose is only realized when in close relationship with God.
} God is using my painful experiences to birth my life passions.
} I am meant to be a miracle.
} Of all things in life that I fear, I fear fear the most. And that gives me hope. (Isaiah 41:10)
} If God brings me to it, he will bring me through it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
} I will not make my trust in God conditional. I will not trust him to... (fill in the blank). I will trust him, period.
Some of my favorite quotes I've walked away with:
"...by the time you realize that what you're experiencing is not love, some significant healing is already beginning to take place. It hasn't reached into the deepest canyons of the soul, however, until you come to a place where you can echo across the great expanse, "Now, that's love." The ability to know the difference is, in itself, a glimmer of health in a war-torn soul." -Beth Moore
"Cowards die many times before their deaths,
The valiant never taste of death but once." -Shakespeare
"We will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original." Galatians 5:26 (MSG)
"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11
"[She] will have no fear of bad news; [her] heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. [Her] heart is secure, [she] will have no fear; in the end [she] will look in triumph on [her] foes." Psalm 112:7-8
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25
On July 25th, 2010, I publicly gave my life to Christ. In order to live a life that honors God, I need to be devoted to Him daily. In order to stay revived and inspired, I need to pursue Him daily. He is my life water, and without Him my soul is withered and dry.
Lindsay
In this middle of this month, I went on a women's retreat to Lake Ann Camp with some ladies from my church. It. Was. Awesome! For many years I have felt like I missed out on a lot of college type experiences because I went to a trade school, because I went back to college as both a full-time employee and a mother, and because I became a Christian in my mid-twenties, much past the time of youth group and summer camps. That's why I loved this retreat so much- I felt like I got some of that youthful joy and freedom back. We went zip lining over a lake, slept in cabins, went on a nighttime star-gazing walk where we hiked through the woods and emerged into an open field and laid in a circle on the grass and gazed at the stars, then stayed up late talking by the cabin fire. And all this was before we dove into the content of why we came- a Beth Moore simulcast, which was equally amazing. Funnily enough, one of the first things she said was "We...need...a...revival." God definitely spoke through her that day.
When we left camp on Sunday morning I wouldn't say I felt completely revived, but I did feel at least partially so, and much more motivated to get on with the process. After all, it IS a process. Two years ago I did a Beth Moore bible study with some women at my church, and I still have the book. It's called "So Long Insecurity". After watching the simulcast I was itching to read the book again, so I did. In two days. If you know me and my schedule, that is an amazing feat! My heart drank in every word, each chapter was like salve on a wound. After finishing the book, I replayed the last month in my head, and here are some truths I'm walking away with:
} The root of insecurity is fear. Specifically, fear of loss. I will not be driven by fear.
} Worry is a sign of mistrust in God.
} God is my inspiration. When I'm not close with him, I am not inspired.
} Sensuality is not what makes a woman desirable.
} Time dies not heal, God heals. Time tells.
} There's a difference between pride and God-given security.
} God is enthralled with my beauty (and yours). I am lovely!
} God does not will me to be insecure. It does nothing to help me or his kingdom. God wills me to live my life with dignity and security.
} My security is mine to keep. God gave it to me. No one gets to take it from me.
} Another woman's worth does not diminish my own.
} I must be an example of a secure woman to make the hope of God's redemptive and healing power contagious to others.
} Superficiality is insatiable. (Pinterest, anyone?) If I spent half my time pursuing God that I spend pinning clothing styles and home decor, I would be a much more secure person than I am right now.
} I can love being a woman, love buying clothes and getting my hair done, and love feeling outwardly beautiful while still honoring God, because I know in my heart that those things are the furthest things on earth from what really matters.
} Lack of purpose heightens my insecurity.
} My purpose is only realized when in close relationship with God.
} God is using my painful experiences to birth my life passions.
} I am meant to be a miracle.
} Of all things in life that I fear, I fear fear the most. And that gives me hope. (Isaiah 41:10)
} If God brings me to it, he will bring me through it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)
} I will not make my trust in God conditional. I will not trust him to... (fill in the blank). I will trust him, period.
Some of my favorite quotes I've walked away with:
"...by the time you realize that what you're experiencing is not love, some significant healing is already beginning to take place. It hasn't reached into the deepest canyons of the soul, however, until you come to a place where you can echo across the great expanse, "Now, that's love." The ability to know the difference is, in itself, a glimmer of health in a war-torn soul." -Beth Moore
"Cowards die many times before their deaths,
The valiant never taste of death but once." -Shakespeare
"We will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original." Galatians 5:26 (MSG)
"The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." Isaiah 58:11
"[She] will have no fear of bad news; [her] heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. [Her] heart is secure, [she] will have no fear; in the end [she] will look in triumph on [her] foes." Psalm 112:7-8
"She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25
On July 25th, 2010, I publicly gave my life to Christ. In order to live a life that honors God, I need to be devoted to Him daily. In order to stay revived and inspired, I need to pursue Him daily. He is my life water, and without Him my soul is withered and dry.
Lindsay
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